Canyons 100k 2025.
Expectations are a funny thing. Sometimes, I feel like I am in full control of them, deliberately setting my own standards, defining my own success, and measuring myself by my own internal compass. In those moments, expectations feel empowering, almost like a quiet agreement between who I am and who I want to become. But other times, it feels like expectations are set for me - not by anyone in particular but by some invisible pressures I can not quite name. Suddenly, I find myself chasing goals I didn’t even consciously agree to, feeling the tension between what I want and what I think I should want.
It’s a strange balance navigating the line between personal ambition and external pressure. I think external pressure should not be taken for granted. That is something you earned because you displayed you are capable, but I never want to lose my internal drive and confine myself to the silent pull of other people’s definitions of success. The deeper you get into your passion and the more you are on public display, the harder it is to discern the two, but I think the key to longevity, and ultimately long-term success at the highest level, is to remember that you are the driver of your ambitions.
I ran Canyons to race a very competitive field on the Western States course. I think the most specific practice I could have gotten would have been to be able to stay engaged and battle for the podium because that is exactly what I want to be doing on June 28th, but any other expectation of how the day were to turn out was not something I came up with consciously on my own. No one came up to my face and told me I had to win, but the invisible feeling was there and these are the mental roadblocks I want to crack moving forward in my career that I know will make me better.
It is Monday April 28, two days after the race, and I am giving myself exactly 36 more hours to feel bad about myself. I think writing this will help with remembering all the positives that come from putting yourself on a start line even when the result is below expectations. In summary, I felt like shit from the first mile. I have felt like shit for the last four weeks now, so in a weird way it was almost validating that I was not able to perform at the level I should be at. I spent most of March training in Santa Barbara after racing Nine Trails, and ever since I returned to Mammoth in April I have been dealing with breathing issues on all of my runs. Even running up hills on easy runs felt like my chest was halfway closed.
At first I figured I was just re-acclimating to 8000ft, but I knew something was up when running still felt difficult dropping to 4000ft in Bishop. So then I figured I was dealing with allergies, which I have had similar symptoms with in the past.. just never this chronically. Anemia is also an option, but seems unlikely without any changes to my diet. I have also wondered if I am just anxious to perform at the highest level feeling like I have to one-up what I did last season and what that looks like. I have not ruled any of those things out, but I am looking forward to as spend the next week getting some tests done to see what is going on in my blood and lungs. If anything, racing this weekend at least made me fully aware that something is 100% wrong with me and that I am not just in my head about not feeling good. Hopefully now I can resolve whatever I am dealing with before the races that matter this summer.
I promise this whole writeup is not just some excuse as to why I did not even come close to winning the race again this year, although it kind of feels like it as I type something, delete it, type it again, repeat, etc. The point is to acknowledge, learn, and not let it happen again. Although my breathing was out of my control and the cards I have been dealing with for the past month, I still made some big time errors from the very beginning that probably would have lead to not being competitive at the very front of the race even if I had felt 100%.
It has been a minute, but if you have read my other blogs from last year, you will remember the format I do these in. I break down the race into sections that I feel like had unique turning points that changed the dynamics from my perspective. What I find interesting as I try to recall the race is how large the mileage gaps are below for me. In the races I am competing at my very best at, I feel like there is something going on every few miles. I am so engaged and aware of what other people are doing around me that it feels like dynamics are constantly shifting. I could honestly clump Foresthill to the finish into one category last weekend because I feel like nothing changed for me - I was more or less in the same position the entire time, physically had no fight when I got passed, and was just cruising along trying to suck in air as best as I could.
China Wall to Swinging Bridge (Mile 0 - Mile 14)
Swinging Bridge to Foresthill (Mile 13 - Mile 29)
Foresthill to Driver’s Flat (Mile 29 - Mile 46)
Driver’s Flat to Downtown Auburn (Mile 46 - Mile 62)
China Wall to Swinging Bridge (Mile 0 - Mile 14)
The race started 30 seconds per mile faster than last year, which I was not surprised about. This is a course where you have to get out in the front of the front pack because it quickly goes from 2.5 miles of very wide fire-road to 6 miles steep downhill singletrack to the bottom of the first canyon. There are very few short sections where you can pass on the singletrack descent so if you get stuck behind a more cautious descender the pack breaks and there goes the race. Saying it here - Canyons is a course where the race is decided in the first 2 miles. If you are not in the first pack at the bottom of the first canyon, you are not catching back up. Given this, I was happy with settling at the back of the front pack and getting pulled down smoothly.
Immediately up the first climb to Deadwood 1, I could tell my breathing was off. It was extremely shallow and labored, but I was still climbing well, passing when I could. I was definitely worried but tried not to let it get in my head and decided I had to ignore whatever I was feeling in my lungs and just let me legs lead.
A group of 10 of us formed a single-file train into Deadwood 1, where a few of us stopped to refill bottles while most people blew straight through. A snowy, cold start meant that no one thought they needed water except for me I guess. While I did not feel like I needed to drink more, the main reason I stopped was because a lot of my nutrition was in the form of drink mix in empty flasks I had planned to fill up at Deadwood 1 and 2, and I did not want to fall behind on carbs. The big takeaway for me here is to adjust my fueling plan based on weather and temperature, not just when it is hot but when it is cold too. In my mind, taking in more fluids could not hurt (just make you pee more) and could only help when trying to push higher carb, so I did not think I needed to make any adjustments to the colder weather. I was definitely not losing a liter of sweat an hour in those temps, so why would I drink that much? I could have saved a minute (or probably more since I packed my jacket poorly and struggled to find my empty flasks in the pack) if I had planned my nutrition to be primarily gels at the start when it was in the 30s and snowing. Instead, I had to burn a match sprinting back up to the pack, which had also split into 2 down to the Swinging Bridge, and completely lost contact with the very front of the race.
Swinging Bridge to Foresthill (Mile 14 - Mile 29)
I had caught up to Jeff and we chatted for a bit but saw that Jackson, Francesco, and Hans had 30+ seconds on us at the turn around back up to The Thumb. Jeff and I climbed well together but I was definitely not able to push without my chest feeling like it was about to explode. I could tell my legs were begging for more oxygen too and the rigor mortis was kicking in. I backed off and tried to take it easy to Deadwood 2. By then, my hands were completely frozen too so filling up bottles took a couple minutes and I watched another pack go right by me while helplessly trying to navigate my stuffed pack
I sprinted out of there again and caught up to Jeff, Grant, Mikey, and Hannes and was feeling pretty good about the pack. We were running downhill very well and Jeff and I got to run up El Dorado to Michigan Bluff together. Same story with the breathing but I was glad to be done with the bigger climbs of the day and was pretty sure I could compete to the finish.
At this point, I knew the front of the race was gone. When I say ‘compete to the finish’ I was thinking a top 5 at best. By Foresthill, Francesco had 8 minutes on us and I knew he was not coming back. I was able to hammer descents pretty well and run decently enough on the flats, but I really started to feel the limitations from my breathing up Bath Rd. I had to stop and walk for a minute on one of the least steep sections of the road just so I catch my breath and stop wheezing. The first thoughts of dropping entered my mind here and really tried to convince myself it was the smart thing to do running into Foresthill.
The thing I hate most about feeling bad is losing the competitive drive. Instead of getting to participate in battles, whether it’s for 1st, the last spot on the podium, or 10th, you are just so zoned in on yourself and surviving. The best part about this sport is getting to push with your competitors to get the most out of each other. When you don’t have the legs (or lungs in this case) to do that, it’s just so disappointing.
I got to Foresthill and could not answer anything Chloe was asking me. All I knew was I had to get out of there ASAP before I gave myself a chance to drop out. I figured I was in 7th or 8th place, my legs were not blown up at all, I was taking in all my nutrition and energy was feeling good, and I was still running well on everything that was not a climb. I just had to take it easy and hike/jog up the climbs so I could breathe, and since it is primarily downhill to Rucky Chucky, I had at least another 10 miles before I really had to suffer again.
Foresthill to Driver’s Flat (Mile 29 - Mile 46)
Cal Street was extremely uneventful. I could not help but laugh and then cry a little bit comparing how lame this experience was to how pivotal this stretch was at both Canyons and States last year. I was wheezing on every climb and I could tell my chest was getting worse and just straight up sore at this point.
Ryan flew by me at Cal 2 while I took my time to refill my bottles which I was actually pretty excited about. I always liked running with Ryan and got to do at Training Camp last year and at States through the High Country. I have a lot of respect for how hard he buries himself and I felt motivated to try to stick with him and fight for a bit. I kept him in my sights until 6 minute hill, and as expected could not breathe whatsoever when trying to run up it. Ryan went on to finish 5th and get a Golden Ticket which I was so happy to see. Wish I could have hung on those last 20 miles!
I fell back into my rhythm, running hard on the downs and hike/jogging the ups, contemplating whether I should drop out at Driver’s Flat, or if I could even make it up that climb. Running into Tim on this stretch really helped me stay moving at an honest pace at my limit, and then running into Dbo at the bottom of the Driver’s Flat climb at least got me started up it. Ultimately, I walked less than I thought I would and made it back up to Chloe.
To many people at the aid stations yelling your name, telling you you are doing great to just stop and drop, so I drank a bottle, swapped my back and just tried to get out of there as fast as possible. Again, I was moving fine on the descents and flats, eating well, just could not breathe on the climbs. I figured with only 2500ft of climbing to go, half of that in rollers, I could make it.
Driver’s Flat to Downtown Auburn (Mile 46 - Mile 62)
In the next 6 miles of rollers, I caught Mikey and got caught by Cody, another person I would have loved to roll with, and maintained my 9th place to the finish. I tried to think of all the positives in this experience through these last 16 miles that will set up for a great day at States in two months. It was very hard, but I tried.
I will not just train through whatever I thought was wrong with me and get healthy ASAP.
I got in a 62 mile long run with 30 miles of it on the States course.
My legs are not trashed because I was not able to push at my ceiling the whole time.
I practiced fueling for 9 hours at higher carb and caffeine levels and felt great.
I am probably going to ditch bicarb.
I got a bad race out of the way and remember how much I hate how I feel after them.
I feel less pressure going into States.
I got to feel the magic of Auburn again and how at-home I feel in this community.
I wish I had a more fun story to report this time, but you all will just have to wait two months for that one. See you at States!
2025 Canyons 100k - 9th Place, 9:04:08
